What IS real life? (Defining terms)

I have heard this question or debate from several different quarters lately. This is usually paired with, but many times independent of, the oft seen phrase of sl is sl, and rl comes first. So please allow me to define what the term rl means me as well as to most of the people that I have known, in and out of world.


RL(real life) interaction takes place between 2 people, at least, who are physically in the same room. It includes RL obligations like SO(significant Other), bills, career, school, etc. There is not other way to mean RL.


What is sometimes used as an alternate definition of RL is the RL exchange that occurs with 2 people, or more, are involved in a long distance relationships. This is in no way a less valid relationship, however it does not fit the definition of a RL relationship. An LD (long distance) relationship may involve following rl directions.


Following RL directions takes place when 2 people, who may be separated by miles, time zones, or even hemispheres interact, and one is following the directions of the other in real time, either in voice or text.(sometimes cam, which carries many risks BTW)


SL or VR (Virtual Reality) is still interaction between real people in real time. However, it may be taking place between 2 people that are both in the moment, OR one/both people are simply playing a role. This would be more akin to a pure RP scenario than honest rl emotional exchange and investment of one person to another.


Does this mean that the bonds formed, the love that develops, the caring or anger that exists when in sl or vr is any less real? Not one bit! The impact that I feel, the emotional attachments, even love that develops between people on-line is very, very real.


But if I say that I live in a rl 24/7 relationship, that means still the physical presence of the 2 people involved. Please make no mistake about this. This is the commonly accepted definition.

What I have offered is strictly a definition of terms, but sometimes the discussions involving rl vs sl can be so confusing, I felt compelled to clearly deliniate between the levels of involvement.

Mirror images

Wow, I have had more than a few comments, in IM, about my last post when I last logged on. Let me be clear, about something. I am not denigrating sl Master/slave relationships. There is a clear bond between this sort of meeting of the minds. However, if you are someone that is acting out submission without ever having knelt at someone's feet. how do you know how that truly feels? You and I sit here, behind the safety of a screen.For example, I was told once of a wedding on sl where the bride interrupted the ceremony with something like ((brb, my Ramen noodles are ready)) You tell me, how committed was she?

When I am here, rping that I am being tied to a post,spoken to in a certain manner, and then I am spanked, used or whatever...I have a very real visceral memory/connection to the real life experience and my response to the scene is multiplied exponentially. I understand, without doubt, what it takes to place myself in the hands of someone who has me helpless, and in his/her thrall.

I also know what it is like to live the experience 24/7. There are dimensions that I never could have imagined, had I not lived through them in rl. There are many tests to this sort of relationship, since it is not accepted conventionally, it remains under wraps. I have been called an anticipatory slave. "Thoughtful" is the vanilla word for it, I think. Vanilla friends have expressed concern at my "submissive" attitude. Please know that the most important word in a D/s relationship, is relationship. Maybe this is why I do not seek or wear a collar. I dearly love the people that I interact here, but I wonder if I am able to wear two collars? I know that people have a marriage in the real world and one here on sl, but is that me? For now I am content the way things are.

So if you are strictly in an sl relationship, please do not feel defensive or think that I mean that you are less committed. What I am saying is this... There are dimensions to your psyche that you cannot explore from behind a desk. For me, it was so much better to push off from the dock and set sail on an ocean of discovery , exploring in ways I had only imagined until then. That was the right course for me, it is up to you to choose the path for you.

BTW, from the day I met my Master, I have not played in rl with anyone other than him.