Friday, July 3, 2009

Forgive me

I have been away for a couple of weeks from blogging and from SL due to some RL issues. I now have the opportunity to return and I hope that both people that read this 'blog will forgive my absence.

While I was gone to the RL that we all say comes first, I found that those people that I know in SL were not far from my thoughts. I had a chance to think of what I wanted to do with the precious time that I have to spend in SL, because for me the time is rare. and special.

I have wandered around SL and shopped and tried out new things. I have watched for the last six months and I have discovered that I have been talking about things, talking about the difference between rl and sl, but sl I have been a voyeur. I have always been suspicious about voyeurs, believing them to be people that want the reflected glory without getting their hands dirty. My conclusion? What I have managed to do as well was to cheat myself. To deprive myself of experiences by just watching and not participating.

This realization came to me when I wandered onto a sim, wearing a meter in OOC mode to watch the RP. What I walked into was a firefight of some sort. Just watching I had an adrenaline rush and I thought...why am I just watching? Why am I not a part of this?

I have struggled with the moral issue of wearing 2 collars, one in rl and one in sl and have for so long thought that this dichotomy would be far too difficult for me to resolve. Turns out the issue is far easier to resolve than I thought. I spoke with my rl Master. I have parameters, (no rl, ever)

For months I have criticized those who teach about bdsm in SL without any real knowledge of rl bdsm. I have gone to their lectures and classes and noticed that those I could relate to had their roots, their knowledge in RL. They were able to enjoy SL as full participants, why couldn't I?

In rl ,if I wanted to learn to sail, I did, to play tennis, I did, to play golf I did(bored to tears, but I did.) What has been holding me back from divng in to sl and truly experiencing it to its fullest extent? Maybe a fear of failure, maybe a fear of drowning...maybe I just was not ready. Maybes ...rl and sl are full of them...Maybe I should just find out.